no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
your parents love me but you hate me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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