Your dad touched me again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
