ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
