Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
