I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
