Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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