I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Mom said you looked used
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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