My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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