Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
