If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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