totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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