This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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