i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
