Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
