Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
