One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
