Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
