My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
