you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
