It's Friday. Sex?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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