is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
