Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
