I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
