he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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