Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
