I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
