I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You are a genius and a whore.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
