Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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