I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
