Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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