i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just pee around me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
