try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
