I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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