Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
