it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
