well I can't set my house on fire every night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
