I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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