he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
