Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
