I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
