can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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