So drunk its hurt
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
