If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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