the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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