If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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