while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
