just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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