yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
