You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
