C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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